She cried in the bathroom at work and told herself she was “too sensitive.” She stayed late again and told herself she was “just dedicated.” She said yes to the project she had no capacity for and told herself she was “being a team player.”
None of those things were her personality. They were her patterns.
What Is the Difference?
Personality is relatively fixed. Patterns are learned. And what is learned can be unlearned — or more precisely, upgraded.
The Four Patterns
In the S.E.L.F. Method, there are four core patterns that keep high-achieving women stuck: The Pleaser, The Perfectionist, The Stoic, and The Reactor. Most women have a primary pattern and a secondary. Recognising yours is the beginning of everything.